What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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