im about as happy as oj after his trial
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
