i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
