Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
