if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
