I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
