mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
