She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
