She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
