and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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