Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is wine microwaveable?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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