so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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