if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
