I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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