Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
