I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
