omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
