Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
