My sheets look like a crime scene.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
ttyl tear gas
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
