I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
