Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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