I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
