help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
