i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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