Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
