He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
