I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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