Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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