I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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