I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
