Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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