if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
