I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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