Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
