his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He did a backflip because drugs
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
