I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm just crazy horny about you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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