In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
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I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
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The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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