A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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