when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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