I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
