I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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