WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
