I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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