I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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