just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize