apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
