I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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