Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
