My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Every concussion has its silver lining
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
