I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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