I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
