Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
