nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
