she woke up with a sticky ear
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
