she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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