So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
