saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
