i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
