is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You took a bar mat shot.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
