Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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