You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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