The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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