She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Randomize
