I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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