Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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