Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
