Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
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30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
And then he peed in my hair
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