Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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