I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
