I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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