His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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