Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
