its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
