idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
