I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
