All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
