Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
