If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
