im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
