I must be too annoying 4 u.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
