wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
