we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
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I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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