Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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