I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
high people should be assigned attendants
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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