and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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